Paws: The Deleted Scenes
by Ginger Conspiracies
Summary: Side-fic for 'Paws' The title says it all really. Just some random stuff I've come up with for the story and its future counterparts that sadly didn't make it into the real thing. Mostly irrelevant or reward-fics. Please read author's notes, they're quite useful. Oneshots/Twoshots - WARNINGS: Excessive swearing, 4 OCs, OC/Canon relationships, spoilers. - R&R :3


_A/N: So I thought I'd post this on here now because I feel mean for not updating Paws sooner. :( _

**_This _****_isn't_****_ copying DaniZaraki's idea to do this sort of side story by the way. I had the idea in like Chapter 2 and I'd forgotten she'd even mentioned making one. Yay bad memory. Plus, I've had this posted on my Wattpad for quite a while (like before she had hers posted I think), I just saved this for when a Paws update is extremely overdue (like now)._**

_I just had to do this chapter, I thought the irony would just be hilarious. I think you'll guess what she's ranting about by the middle hahaha_

_Anyway, this story is basically going to be a collection of random outtakes and deleted scenes from Paws and it's sequel/threeqel that didn't make it into the final cut._

_The chapters are going to be very short, and usually random and hopefully funny._

_Give us a fav/review if you liked it for more ;D_

**Oh and if you haven't read my Naruto fanfic Paws, turn around now and go back to your boring life, or give Paws a shot, because you will have no idea who half of these people are, lol :3**

_-Me no own Naruto or -_

**-x-**

**(Third Person, Katie!)**

'Dear Author,

My name is Katie Sharp, and because I'm in a major bad mood thanks to a certain blue-haired asshole of a housemate, I thought I'd give you my opinion on this atrocity you call a fanfiction.

Firstly, the amount of plotholes in this is probably enough to make my two-year-old cousin cringe, so it's no surprise to me that the only readers/reviewers you have are the illiterate fools who comment things like 'OMG I LUVVVVV UR STRY AN I WNT MORE SOON YAYAYAYAY!1! ITS SO AMAYZIN AND I THINK THA ITS DA BEST FING EVERRR HEHEEHE UPDATTEEE!' (1)

If you couldn't tell, yes, that was actually copy-pasted from your review page.

But you probably couldn't tell the difference between that piece of shit and a fucking flying mouldy apricot with an flaming airhorn attached to it aimed for your face.

Secondly, I don't think there's any significant plot in the main part (beginning-middle) of the story whatsoever. I think I've read better trollfics (2) of shit like Lucky Star and Kimi No Todoke (3) than this.

In case you were wondering, no I don't watch those anime, I just read their trollfics for fun because I then know that there's other slightly sane and hilariously sarcastic people like me out there.

Seriously, the so-called plotline of this story is utter trash, and fuck all has happened in it really except a couple of OCs had the tongues of canon characters shoved down their throats WAY too early for my taste (excluding the ending, no spoilers for new readers :3). Hopefully you'll please your less retarded readers at some point by having something relevant happen in the storyline of the sequel, which I still highly doubt.

Thirdly, I have a problem with the characters. Honestly, is it really necessary to have _four _main OCs? How the fuck they could all live in the same house without mass murder going on is beyond me, and I live in a scarily similar situation, you have no idea. The main OC (I call her that because the majority of this seems to be in her POV) has such an overused personality (sarcastic, witty, strong, mood swings, anger problems, intimidating, 'actually quite nice once you get to know her' etc.) in fanfics, and the OC below her is just as bad with her 'happy-go-lucky' attitude.

She reminds me of my own best friend on sugar and caffeine, and that shit is horrifying, I'm telling you.

The final two I'm not going into, because one annoys the living shit out of me when he isn't making hilarious comments, and I actually love the personality of the other character, and I don't want to make positive comments for this story because it would mean I'd be admitting to liking this fic, which I'm not doing.

At all.

Anyway, basically what I'm trying to say is that your fanfiction is completely overused, unrealistic, exaggerated, and generally retarded.

You know what, I'm going to be honest with you here. The only reason I'm saying all of this is because I'm tired, pissed off, PMSing and I'm just paranoid that you're secretly stalking me and my friends, because some of the shit in here is actually terrifyingly similar to my own life.

You creep.

Okay, okay, I give up.

I bet you're wondering why I'm writing this on the final chapter, aren't you?

This story has made me laugh so much, and you're such a lucky person to have me put so much effort into writing this, because I actually have an angry Jashinist breathing down my neck right now about needing to buy more crisps, and trust me, it's annoying as hell. I have seriously loved reading this, and all I can hope is that my own life story ends like this has.

Well, with less plotholes, obviously. That would be stupid.

To end, thanks for writing this, but seriously, stop stalking me.

Or I'll kill everyone in your family but you, and lock you in a room with Tobi high on caffiene.

Yeah, I can do that.

I'm going now anyway, my family calls.

Loves,  
Katie, UK :)  
x

P.S: I was joking about the readers, because clearly, I'm a reader, lol.'

"Since when do you add kisses and smiley faces to your messages? Watch out, people might actually think you're sociable if you're not careful."

Katie whipped around after slamming her laptop lid down, eyes wide in surprise. "When the fuck did you get there?"

Sasori blinked boredly at her from where he was resting his chin on his folded arms on the back of the sofa, watching the girl. "You just noticed me? I've been here since you started writing that giant paragraph because I heard you typing your ass off in here."

"Well excuse me for not seeing your miniscule ninja ass directly behind me, Tiny," Katie replied snappishly. "And for your information, I always use smiley faces, just not kisses. I just included a kiss because from the author's notes in this fanfiction, I sort of thought she'd understand that I was being sarcastic."

"For one, don't call me Tiny. I have the body of a fifteen-year-old boy where the only sign that I went through puberty is that my voice has broken, so what do you expect," The puppet master retorted, giving her a look. "Secondly, what on earth is a fanfiction?"

Katie chuckled. "Now that is a long story, excuse the irony. I'll tell you guys later, after I've posted this review. Your reactions will be priceless," she came to a realisation. "Oh my Jashin. I'll have to show you yaoi too."

"Since you suddenly look like you've had an idea that will no doubt be mentally scarring for all of us, I'm going to leave now," Sasori said.

"Good idea," Katie laughed. "Later, Tiny."

"Fuck you, ginger."

"You're lucky I love you, small fry!"

"Whatever. Let me go eat. Oh and by the way, Hidan says we need more smoky bacon."

"I know we do, he's been going on about it all fucking afternoon, so go away, fatass."

"Gladly. And I'm not fat!"

Once the man-child was out of earshot to continue the argument, Katie re-opened her laptop and quickly typed in her password.

"Guess I'd better post this now," Katie said to herself, clicking the 'Post Review' button on .

'Google Chrome seems to have stopped responding. Windows is looking for a solution to this problem...'

Katie twitched.

Soon after that pop-up appeared, Katie's internet browser closed down with an apologetic message left behind.

"Are you fucking _kidding_ me?!" Katie screamed at the laptop. "It took me half a fucking hour to write that fucking thing! DAMN YOU GOOGLE CHROME!"

She slammed both palms down on the keyboard in a burst of frustration before letting a forced sigh through her gritted teeth.

"You know what, fuck it. The writer's probably watching me write this anyway, fucking stalker," the redhead snapped. Then she laughed to herself. "Imagine if she really was stalking me? I doubt it though, like anyone would write three whole stories about my boring life."

"Bitch! We need more crisps! Puppet fucker just ate the last packet on me!"

And with one last sigh, Katie shut the laptop and put it back on the sofa in favour of buying more crisps, never noticing the pair of omnipotent blue eyes of the authoress watching her every move and scribbling them down on a grey notepad with a pleased grin.

**-x-**

_A/N: I kid, I don't really stalk a girl from another dimension, but I thought it would be funny to write this._

_(1) I'm kidding, I know you're all just literate fools n_n Jokes, I love you really._

_(2) A fanfiction taking the piss of a series/manga/etc._

_(3) I only used them because Katie and I both despise shoujo, but if you like it, go ahead. I just used them as examples. :)_

_The fanfiction she was reading is basically an altered version of this, where it's a little different to her life and the characters have different names. The rest of Paws/Sequel/Threequel will never mention this, so it will go on like Katie never read it, btw._

_**Um, as a reward for epic reviews/readers I generally adore, I might send you a message and ask if you want to be featured as an OC in one of one of these chapter things. If that seems retarded to you, I'll just dedicate a chapter or something, lol. I've already offered it to one reader, and she seems pleased, so yeah.  
So yeah, review and shit if you liked it, and you might be featured in the future ;P **_

_The real chapter 13 should be up pretty soon I hope, but you never know with me, especially now._

**_EXPLANATION TIME!_****_ Basically, for these past few weeks, I've felt like general shit, so I haven't been able to write to my usual standard, and I'm not happy with the work I've done. I've not really been in a good place, so forgive me. I'll post soon, and I hope to Jashin I'll never be this late again. I feel terrible for this._**

_See you soon, and thanks for reading :3_

_-Ginge xo_


End file.
